Finding the Right Dom for YOU

I often see new finslaves & aspiring subs on sites like Reddit asking:  how do you find a quality goddess? Someone who is serious about her craft & will be as dedicated as I am to the relationship?  Fair question.  The market is saturated with willing brats, Doms, Mommies & other bossy ladies looking for $$$ in this findom thang, but they're not all alike.  WE'RE not all alike.  Most demand instant payment ("tributes") just to talk & others will take off with your dough after agreeing to a relationship, never speaking to you again after a big payment.  Ghost Doms, I call them, because they go ghost & evaporate the minute you give them a sizeable payment (though this is rare for obvious reasons--what Dom would ditch a reliable cash source before it's tapped out?).  A common complaint is that too many Doms are JUST in it for money and not the fetish aspect, which is a fair observation.  What's a sub to do?



How To REALLY Find Your Dream Domme

First of all, remember that this fetish community is scammy on BOTH ends.  Doms constantly deal with outright scammers in our inboxes, trying to lure us to Telegram or beg us for cash.  We too must have a system to separate the wheat from the chaff, and tributing can serve as the filter for that purpose by proving a sub is serious & not a scammer.  (I don't require tributes but I can definitely see why a Dom would).

Check her credentials.  Seek out someone who is dedicated to this lifestyle, not a fly-by-night startup.  And don't rely solely on the Dom herself to be 100% honest with you.  Do your homework.  How long has she been in the game and does she have any current subs?  Check out her post history, find what other websites she may be active on, see what you can dig up on her reputation.  Googling a Goddess's username in quotations like this:  "SantaMadreTara" or "GoddessZora" can often provide the info you seek.  If she has a common username or you can't find much on your own for other reasons, ask for a "resume!"  It's your money and time, after all.  You deserve to know that the Goddess you serve is qualified for the job.  

Read her Terms of Service.  Not all Doms have them but I find that putting all my vital info down in one place saves everyone time & makes it easier to determine if we're compatible.  A serious Dom will treat her brand like a business to protect both herself & her clients, plus it helps get the boring stuff out of the way so you can get down to the nitty gritty faster.   

Communicate, ask questions.  Doms love when a potential sub slides into her inbox in a respectful, genuine way.  In fact, most refuse to contact a sub first (including myself).  That's just the rules of the game.  It's not our place to contact you, so make the first move!  And ask us whatever it is you want to know.  Examples of some pertinent questions to ask early on:

- Do you meet in person?
- What are your payment methods?
- How much do you charge for a virtual session?
- Do you require a tribute or downpayment of any kind?  
- What are your specialties and "hard nos?"

Just be sure she hasn't already covered those in her Terms of Service.  After getting those (boring) preliminary questions out of the way, THEN you can dig into more the "fun" questions regarding her appearance, sexual specialties and kinks, where she's from, age & other personal questions.  I know it's tempting to choose a virtual Dom based on her looks or writing style but trust me, if you don't wanna get burned you'll do your due diligence & ask the important stuff to weed out scammers first.  

Don't feel weird about "small sends".  $20 here, $15 there.  It adds up over time.  I constantly see Doms praising subs for smaller sends or gifts, gushing about how grateful they are and how much it helps.  I certainly don't mind the occasional smaller send so don't sit on the sidelines waiting to strike it rich--get in the game NOW!  What we don't appreciate are lies, excuses & broken promises.  Subs who book a session and then don't show up repeatedly with no notice.  Subs who promise to send payments but never do. Subs who lie about completing the challenges we send.  Dishonesty in general is a bad look but money in any amount is not.

Keep communicating & asking for what you want.  Are you looking for a  cold, hard bitch who will treat you like trash 24/7 or a softer Dom with more of a spoiled girlfriend air?  Tell potential Doms what you want upfront so we can tell you whether it's a good fit.  And then keep telling us what you want as often as needed.  If the chemistry wears off, tell us that too.  Give us a chance to fix things, but if it's not addressed promptly, politely exit the relationship & search for a better fit.  Every sub has different preferences so it's impossible for us to know what you want unless you make it clear.  I've included my specialties in my Terms of Service to make it easier, and I send a questionnaire to all my new clients before booking a session to get to know them better.  Again, I find that this saves time so we can get right into the good stuff. 

Don't ignore red flags.  Doms who don't know how to turn off the bitchy degrading character, who send short, one-word replies after you've paid or established a relationship & those who breech your boundaries repeatedly should be notified of your displeasure & kicked to the curb if they fail to shape up.  You're under no obligation to keep paying someone who disrespects you for real & is unreliable or untrustworthy.  At the same time don't expect mind reading because you won't get it.  We're findommes, not Dionne Warwick & Her Psychic Friends.  🔮

Yes, all of these things will require some amount of effort on your part, but think of the time & heartache it will ultimately save you!  Nobody can do it for you so get in the game & make your move. If you fail to do your research before hiring a virtual Dom or don't tell her in clear language what you're looking for, don't be shocked when she isn't everything you fantasized about and more.

What's your pleasure?