Breaking Down BDSM: What Makes a Good Sub?

In Part 1 I discussed the traits & behaviors that make a good and bad domme.  Now as promised it's time to look at what makes a great (and not so great) sub.  But first, let's take a quick look at what a sub--short for "submissive"--really is and does within this dynamic, shall we?

A sub's role is to shut up and obey his Dom, who may go by the name of "Mistress," "Goddess" or "Queen".  He acknowledges her innate superiority & has but one mission: to please her and anticipate her every desire.  He is just as eager to receive her harsh and painful punishments as her sweet and tasty rewards because both mean brief contact with her, whether in person or virtually.  While this little drama may appear demeaning to vanilla onlookers, it's actually empowering.  Only the one who inflicts pain can take it away.  A good sub knows that there's much to be gained through suffering--enduring physical pain, humiliation, sexual deprivation, bondage & other hardships teaches subs firsthand that they can endure ANYTHING, rendering their anxieties obsolete & making them stronger in everyday life.  Whether in the role of the baby, puppy, sissy, beta or slave, the sub is anything BUT weak and helpless.

A good sub never steps to a domme from a position of neediness with his hands out.  He or she is confident in who he/she is & knows what (s)/he wants sexually.  They cut to the chase, prove themselves legitimate & get on with it so as not to waste the domme's time.  And they NEVER expect a domme to approach them, DM them first or follow them to an off-site platform (scam alert!).

Green Flags 🇹🇲 of a Good Sub:  Assertive, communicates their needs clearly & doesn't expect mind-reading, cuts to the chase, never pushes a domme's boundaries, takes their punishments like a man, never plays dumb or forces a domme to awkwardly ask for $$$ or repeat her basic rules, honest & upfront, actually reads the Terms of Service, doesn't take advantage of a domme's kindness, discreet, never stands a domme up without a damn good reason, budgets his or her money before spending it.

Red Flags  🚩 of a Sub-Par Sub:  Melodramatic/full of sob stories, catty, competes with or mimics the worst traits of women despite being male, fails to complete assignments or tasks repeatedly, seems uninterested but won't say why, pouts like a child, passive-aggressive, always late/unreliable, requests free or reduced-price services, lazy, uses misogynistic language or exhibits sexist attitudes, expects the domme to reach out to THEM & initiate sessions, deceitful, compares you to other dommes, goes into debt to finance his findom/femdom habit.

Once you find the Dom/sub relationship that fits your needs, you just know.  It's like that missing piece you didn't quite know you were missing but it completes the puzzle.  On the contrary, no amount of $$$ or prizes will make a bad BDSM relationship worth it.  If you're not getting what you want or your boundaries are being crossed, SPEAK UP!  Be specific & give the other person the chance to make it right.  But if after a while they still aren't getting it, go your separate ways.  Free each other up to find that missing piece.  There's a whole world of kinky people who are into this lifestyle so stop wasting time on a bad match.