Breaking Down BDSM: What Makes a Good Domme?

To normies & outsiders, the Dom/sub relationship looks like one partner just being excessively mean and degrading to the other for no good reason while the sub obeys & bows to them.  Why would anyone willingly subject themselves to this abuse, let alone PAY for the privilege?

Because it's NOT abuse.  Abuse implies lack of consent or infliction of serious bodily injury WITH consent.  Findom & femdom are pleasure built on a firm foundation of clear boundaries, consent & power exchange.  The results can be immense ecstasy, orgasmic release, stress relief and, if integrated correctly, a more balanced psyche in everyday life.  Virtual BDSM provides a way to act out one's most deeply buried fantasies in a safe environment with a like-minded partner.  It's "safe" because there are literally safe words that can stop the activity in its tracks, TOS & disclaimers agreed to before the relationship even begins, extensive discussion beforehand about boundaries & aftercare for particularly harsh sessions.  It's 1 part sex, 2 parts pain & 1 part therapeutic wound-licking after the fact by the one who saw you at your weakest only hours earlier.  Intense?  Hell fucking yeah.  But why bother with anything less?

Just like in any relationship, a good domme gets to know her sub on a personal level before sexual things ever come up.  Things like hobbies, interests, field of work, race, religion & culture lead to deeper, more personal questions about general sexual preferences and dating experiences, which of course open the door to more specific fetish and kink talk.  No actual threats or force, no gun-to-the-head.  If you wanna leave, you're free to go (but I haven't had one go willingly yet).

Green Flags  🇹🇲  of a Good Domme:  Excellent listener, non-judgmental, inquisitive, eager to learn about her subjects, immodest, authoritative, clear communicator, flexibility based on what the client wants (tone, fetishes, etc) yet still has her own clear boundaries, punctual, doesn't ghost or miss sessions w/out notice, discreet, doesn't pressure clients for follow-up sessions, no surprise fees or costly subscriptions to book a sesh, puts safety/privacy--both hers & the client's--ahead of what the heart or loins want. 

Red Flags  🚩 of a Sub-Par Domme:  Only talks about herself, seeks out clients who are already "owned," impatient, complains constantly, no Terms of Service, ONLY in it for easy money, expects "too much too soon" w/out putting in work, doesn't respect client's time, no sense of humor, knowingly works with underage clients/p3dophiles/r^pists/child or animal abusers.

Of course this is only 1/2 of the equation.  It takes 2 to create a dynamic.  In the next article I'll be discussing what makes a good--and not so good--sub & how all you little paypiggies can get the most out of your virtual relationships with your domme, whoever she may be.